Do you often find yourself reacting to the smallest thing? Do you feel that you are always on edge or ‘on guard’ as if you could be hurt by anyone at anytime? Perhaps you consider yourself ‘hypersensitive’ interpreting even the tiniest comment as a criticism to you. Or you feel hijacked by your emotions, clouded in your thinking, unable to move on when something unsettling happens, perhaps ruminating for days on a small event and unable to be in the present moment or see the big picture.
You may relate to some of the experiences above. May be one of them, may be all. They will have their own flavour in your life but whatever that flavour is, they are indeed painful and can greatly affect your quality of life. It’s a difficult way of being in the world, and a shared experience for many adults who experienced abuse or trauma in their childhood.
You may be clear in your mind that your reactions or feelings seem out of proportion for the situation that is in front of you, but for most people, that intellectual knowing is not enough to change things around. Childhood trauma can impact our internal ‘alarm system’ and leave us feeling like we’re never safe.
Safety is crucial for our survival. When I talk about safety, I don’t just mean to be protected from physical harm. We also need to feel safe emotionally. To know we can be who we are and express our needs and feelings without fear of rejection, abandonment or punishment. We need to be able to reasonably predict other peoples’ reactions and not live as if we’re walking on eggshells, not knowing where the next smack, scream or withdrawal of love will come from.
Healthy bonding with our caregivers is central to our healthy development. This primary relationship stimulates normal maturation of the brain and the nervous system, which, in turn, expands our ability to cope emotionally throughout life. When caregivers are unable (for whatever reason) to meet a significant proportion of our needs, we are likely to find it harder to process life’s experiences.
If we grow up in an environment where we don’t feel safe in the full sense of the word, it is not our intellectual mind but our very nervous system that can remain in a state of hyper-alertness, ready to react to the smallest stimuli o reminder of trauma. In other words, when there is unresolved trauma, it is your organism that is scared, not your thinking mind.
Central to the healing process therefore, is to find ways to reset your physiology so that the survival mechanisms stop working against you. This means helping you to respond appropriately to danger, but even more important, to recover the capacity to experience safety, relaxation and true reciprocity.1
The last couple of decades of research in the area of childhood trauma have shed much light into how trauma affects the body, the brain and the nervous system.
This new understanding brings much hope into the treatment of childhood trauma and it provides us with more effective ways of addressing these issues. By including the body in the therapy, you can learn to calm your physiology down which can bring changes in perspective and an ability to see the larger picture. You can learn to tolerate your feelings without being hijacked by them and can gain control over your reactions.
Our brains are wired and rewired through experience. Being engaged in a reliable, safe and supportive relationship helps your brain rewire from harmful past experiences and learn to trust, feel safe and reach out.
I am passionate about helping people find a way to a calmer, more confident and happier place within themselves where the past lives in the past and they can be fully present and engaged in life in the here and now.
The strength of the human being never ceases to amaze me. I approach my work with you with optimism of what is possible, while also acknowledging the enormous hurt you might have experienced.
If you connected with what you read and you feel ready to start or continue your journey, call me for a free 10 minutes consultation or to make an appointment. Healing is possible.
- The Body Keeps the Score. Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma. Bessel van der Kolk, 2014
Watch this short video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxPAt-Esv8Q